(And yes, that is Caroline in the bag I brought to Alicante:)
There are no words to describe the confusion, lost-ness (is that a word?), and complete overwhelming changes I have gone through. And to add- nothing is familiar. I was going to write a blog post on familiarity, and can't remember all that I have said. Usually when you are put into a new environment, you look for anything to connect to. This may be talking, looking at pictures, thinking about how something reminds you of another, etc. etc. And what do I have? Nothing. Well, almost.
In addition to all of the changes, I am going through the weirdest homesickness that I have ever, ever gone through in my entire life. I miss Madrid. Because for me, right now, that is my home.
My Madrid home consists of many things. Not necesarily the actual house, but the people I met along the way. The adventures I went on. The streets I know. The metro, transportation. The monuments. The street performers. Knowing which tile to stand on, waiting for the metro to Pinar. I hope a post to come is all on familiarity. And really. It may be boring- life, but familiarity is a word often forgotten.
This doesn't mean change isn't good. Or that adventure will kill you. Absolutely not. But, it is something that is way beyond overlooked.
I am doing well, so to speak. I can't say I'm doing awesome, as the fact my life has completely started over is...well...overwhelming. And stressful. Let's add in the Madrid-homesickness as well.
What I do know, is this change will bring good. I will have more of a family experience, and more of the basic needs. Some needs are unwritten, such as interest. You can't ask for it, but it's a necesarity in life.
(How Jake & I pay for lunch. But don't worry, we put the coins in order...)
With change brings challenge, as the two always come hand in hand. I have grown to be so independent, I have to remind myself that someone telling me something simple could just be the fact to help me. I am used to doing absolutely everything on my own, and seeking for my own help if needed. Now I am overwhelmed with direction. But some things have to do with a first time host family as well. Like really. If I have loose change and want to keep it in my purse, in my purse it stays. If I want to bring my credit card with me in my wallet in my purse, it will come. I don't need an 'adult' to carry it for me. I know that trash goes in the trash can. I know how to speak English. And (for Mackenzie:) I definitly know where Arizona is. I am definitely most capable of introducing myself if needed. I don't need someone to explain to my teachers (school starts Monday) who I am. And let me make one, gigantic thing clear.
I understand Spanish.
I don't understand every single individual word, but I get the idea. A big thank you to whoever told my host family I don't speak a word of Spanish. What else were they told? I was a problem child? Great first impressions to give a host family...
So I also have to explain that I have already been here for five months. I lived in Madrid. I know things about life. Not everything. But a few things. It's a new set of challenges, but an interesting set. Completely different than my other challenges. But once you overcome those challenges, comes growth.
And by no doubt, I have grown more in the past five months than ever before. Or after.
What you learn from Madrid? Lots. And one?
You just know where you are. I amazed not only myself, but my host family with this.
We dropped off my host sister at her "bull fighting?" (minus killing a bull...?) practice. We then drove five or so blocks down to find a parking spot. We walked to the ring, and then left to return almost two hours later. We came back, walked to the car in a completely different direction, and my host mom didn't know where we were. She didn't know where she had parked either. I looked at the streets, and somehow I pin pointed exactly which corner it was on from being two blinded corners away from the car. This did not only impress them- but scared the living out of me. I had been in Alicante for about 27 hours, never on those streets before, and was able to know where we had parked? Ask anyone and there are no street signs. I was using references from- the distance we were from a building a third of a mile away, and the number of minutes we had walked from the ring. I also was able to precisely remember leaving the car, when I had made no effort to do so before.
It wasn't luck. I don't like to say it, but I just knew. Can I mention this frightens me?
It's weird for me to sit here and say how small Alicante is. It's incredible. I did not realize how much I had gotten used to until it was taken away. The small things.
Which drawer you put your pants in, cause this time they aren't going on hangers. Where the clock is where you wake up.
But then you wake up, frantically searching for the clock you have in Minnesota, and freak out when you realize you're not in Kansas anymore.
And that's exaclty what happened. As my "previous life" seems so much like a dream now, my "third one" is by far the strangest. Waking up thinking I was in Minnesota (legitimately) was, almost one of the scariest things in my life. I had to go through my whole story to figure out what was going on.
That I had left Minnesota. For Spain. Lived in Madrid. Which house? The aparment. Remembered what the apartment looked like. Then had to figure out what happened. A flashback of waving Madrid goodbye came, and finally, it hit me that I was in Alicante.
Possibly the fastest thinking I've ever done in my life.
So there is more to come, as I need to write more about familiarity and "being used to" vs. "getting used to." I can tell you I am not used to many things, such as the umbrella lamp in my room. With being in Alicante for 24 hours, and my room only about half of that time, I have hit my head on this lamp 18 times in counting. But it's getting there.
I do want to add that I really think this will be a good 5 months with this family. They are very nice and excited to host an exchange student this year. Will update more about that soon.
Another shoutout to my friends-
Thanks for everything. You are all very, very missed.
Con amor
-mb
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