"You won't realize the distance you've walked
until you take a look around and realize how far you've been." -unknown
Distance is only a number, the party hasn't stopped yet.
-mb
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Life
During school last year I would frequently write in my notebook, in order to ¨save¨ those moments that I would forget by the time I got home. The other day I was going through my notebooks, looking for chemistry notes. You may not laugh (or cry) like I did after re-reading this, but I thought I should share it. Titled ¨Life¨, here is a glance at what happened on an average day. (Note my English...)
(Written Feb. 4th, 2011)
Life
Welcome to the world of being foreign. Today started out with math class, and the substitute teacher asked me if I needed something. Me, sitting in the back of the room still without a mathbook, continued by explaining how I´m an exchange student. She looked at me with that stupid look she gives me, and continued to try and explain something that was on the board. I looked at her again and said once again how I don´t have a book, and that math in Madrid was very different, that was from previous years. The next class was history, and our teacher didn´t come, so we all went to the library. I was pretty surprised how ¨good¨ everyone was considering that there was no teacher. It was there in the library that the other American asked me if I had a calculator for the economy test the next hour. Economy test? I had no idea there was going to be an economy test. We get to class and the teacher handed out the test to everyone. Including me. Let´s back up and refresh ourselves on the fact that this is my 5th day at this school, and my 4th day in this class. My 4th economy class in my entire life. She is fully aware of the fact I have never taken economy before, but continued to hand me the test anyways. She handed me the test in such a manner there it was obvious that I was ¨invisible¨ and wanted to advoid talking to me at all costs. I wrote my name, and continued to read the test. Staring at it in confusion, with all of the economy abbreviations and concepts, I was unable to answer a single question. I raised my hand, and continued to be ignored. The teacher helped everyone around me, minus myself. My hand continued to be raised. I waited. Finally, she couldn´t ignore me any longer when she took roll call. She came over and I asked her what she wanted me to do. She was irritated with me as I couldn´t finish the test. She continued to tell me that she doesn´t understand why I am in economy halfway through the year. She was also speaking to me in a very broken English. This can be rather insulting sometimes, when your level of language is higher than their level of yours. The teacher still confused and angry, took my test and told me to read a book. I guess I didn´t make it clear enough the first two times that I didn´t have one. So I wrote this blog post. Cool.
-mb
(Written Feb. 4th, 2011)
Life
Welcome to the world of being foreign. Today started out with math class, and the substitute teacher asked me if I needed something. Me, sitting in the back of the room still without a mathbook, continued by explaining how I´m an exchange student. She looked at me with that stupid look she gives me, and continued to try and explain something that was on the board. I looked at her again and said once again how I don´t have a book, and that math in Madrid was very different, that was from previous years. The next class was history, and our teacher didn´t come, so we all went to the library. I was pretty surprised how ¨good¨ everyone was considering that there was no teacher. It was there in the library that the other American asked me if I had a calculator for the economy test the next hour. Economy test? I had no idea there was going to be an economy test. We get to class and the teacher handed out the test to everyone. Including me. Let´s back up and refresh ourselves on the fact that this is my 5th day at this school, and my 4th day in this class. My 4th economy class in my entire life. She is fully aware of the fact I have never taken economy before, but continued to hand me the test anyways. She handed me the test in such a manner there it was obvious that I was ¨invisible¨ and wanted to advoid talking to me at all costs. I wrote my name, and continued to read the test. Staring at it in confusion, with all of the economy abbreviations and concepts, I was unable to answer a single question. I raised my hand, and continued to be ignored. The teacher helped everyone around me, minus myself. My hand continued to be raised. I waited. Finally, she couldn´t ignore me any longer when she took roll call. She came over and I asked her what she wanted me to do. She was irritated with me as I couldn´t finish the test. She continued to tell me that she doesn´t understand why I am in economy halfway through the year. She was also speaking to me in a very broken English. This can be rather insulting sometimes, when your level of language is higher than their level of yours. The teacher still confused and angry, took my test and told me to read a book. I guess I didn´t make it clear enough the first two times that I didn´t have one. So I wrote this blog post. Cool.
-mb
Monday, December 12, 2011
la realidad...24 weeks later.
That long Barajas post must have put a dent into me feeling a need to write anything more. The problem I face now is finding something 1- interesting to talk about that 2 - I can sum up in one post.
It's December ninth and I've been home for...24? weeks. And of course, every day for 24 weeks something about last year has crossed my mind. I wonder what the statistics are on that. How many times a day I think about it, use a reference from there, etc. My best guess is that I think about last year 10 minutes out of every 60 minutes in an hour. Whether it's a memory, dream, speaking the language, thinking I see someone I know, last year can not seem to leave my mind.
It's not a bad thing, like an obsession. It's just starting to fit together piece by piece as time goes on. Some things make more sense. Some don't. But lately I feel different than I did just even a few weeks ago.
One of the ultimate wonders from last year started before I left. How will things be different when I'm back home? What will it feel like to be bilingual? How will I have changed? What things will I see differently? And how will they be different?
For one thing, that feeling of "it wasn't even real" is starting to set in. That was one of my fears before leaving Spain. The fear of forgetting how it all felt, to later convince yourself it was all just a dream, a vision, a thought in your mind.
I think time does this to any situation. Any memory fades with time. Pictures, videos, journals, many things bring it back to life but... it's never quite the same.
Maybe if I revisit the places I've been they'd seem more real. But until then I'm stuck where I'm at.
It's hard to explain, how you feel. Especially now. After looking at some pictures from the beginning of last year, I see someone different. I don't see the Mary Beth in the beginning of her exchange. I see myself as a younger "kid" who experienced a lot. Some good, some bad. But it's like a different person. That life is over, and the "side" of me doesn't come out as much as it does now.
Of course, right? It only makes sense to go back to your home habits.
The other day I ran across some of my school notebooks. Before I left I ripped out any "uninteresting" pages in hope to make them lighter in weight (let me remind everyone of my success story of 1 having an underweight suitcase and 2 not sending a box home.)
However, I kept all the stories I wrote down and journal notes I kept during class. Little things I wouldn't even remember by the time I got home.
I just find it all so funny. All of it. My exact words, thoughts, everything.
I changed a lot, but it makes me wonder if those changes will ever be brought back- unless I'm in the same situation, I feel as if thsoe changes were for the "other" life. I won't feel them until it "go back" to that lifestyle.
What still gets me is school. School is what makes me feel like last year never happened. How is it that I go from a school with nothing, to one that has multiple $200 beakers just laying around ONE of our many classrooms?
How is it that we complain about our paper towels? Or our sinks? And why on Earth do we need all the lights we have?
A few days ago I was studying in the high school library. I am a PSEO student (as explained before) and usually go there and study before going to my college class. While students in school can't bring their backpacks in, PSEO students can, because, well obviously they are studying and are coming/going and have their stuff with them.
So this day a non-PSEO student brings a backpack in. They tell him he can't bring it in the library. The librarians handle the situation.
A student aide (someone who helps the group of [noisy] students who have little motivation...not the handicap students) turns to me and rudely announces:
"You know you really shouldn't have your backpack here either."
I looked up in shock. This is the same assistant who makes friends with students wasting their time searching google pictures. Nonetheless she doesn't make her group of students do anything.
"But I'm PSEO" I replied. "We can have our backpacks in the library."
She turned away and almost yelled: "Well why can SHEE have her backpack in here while other kids can't? Shouldn't you take her backpack and keep it behind her desk like all the other ones?!"
...ok GENIUS, so if they take my backpack, how will I study? You want me to empty my books here and give them an empty bag? What is the point? Fool.
Now I didn't actually say that of course. I figured I wouldn't make too many friends that way. I simply told her the librarians FROM DAY ONE (I have been sitting in the same spot with my backpack almost everyday for an entire semester) told me I could have me backpack.
She started complaining like a child to the librarians. I went into shock. I could not believe what was happening. An immature adult trying to tell a librarian what their rule should be.
I stood up and said, "Ok, I'll just be on my way to the college library."
And walked out.
Upon entering the college library, there were metal detectors. I had been there before, I just never thought about them. It wasn't until I left that I realized that they were there for a reason. That there might, one day, actually be a problem. It never even crossed my mind that something bad might go wrong.
The library incident doesn't really mean much. The only thing I got from it was this:
Unreasonable-ness causes problems. Why do people act like they do?
What in the world went wrong with someone having an obsessive problem of me having a backpack in the library?! How do these messages get sent into one's head?
Just a matter of time ago I was sitting down in a library filled with other kids. Every single one of us had a backpack. No one cared. No one thought anything of it.
No one felt like they were in danger.
-mb
PS- Lockers were considered more dangerous than backpacks in my school. I was told they "wouldn't work" because of safety issues.
Ironic, eh?
It's December ninth and I've been home for...24? weeks. And of course, every day for 24 weeks something about last year has crossed my mind. I wonder what the statistics are on that. How many times a day I think about it, use a reference from there, etc. My best guess is that I think about last year 10 minutes out of every 60 minutes in an hour. Whether it's a memory, dream, speaking the language, thinking I see someone I know, last year can not seem to leave my mind.
It's not a bad thing, like an obsession. It's just starting to fit together piece by piece as time goes on. Some things make more sense. Some don't. But lately I feel different than I did just even a few weeks ago.
One of the ultimate wonders from last year started before I left. How will things be different when I'm back home? What will it feel like to be bilingual? How will I have changed? What things will I see differently? And how will they be different?
For one thing, that feeling of "it wasn't even real" is starting to set in. That was one of my fears before leaving Spain. The fear of forgetting how it all felt, to later convince yourself it was all just a dream, a vision, a thought in your mind.
I think time does this to any situation. Any memory fades with time. Pictures, videos, journals, many things bring it back to life but... it's never quite the same.
Maybe if I revisit the places I've been they'd seem more real. But until then I'm stuck where I'm at.
It's hard to explain, how you feel. Especially now. After looking at some pictures from the beginning of last year, I see someone different. I don't see the Mary Beth in the beginning of her exchange. I see myself as a younger "kid" who experienced a lot. Some good, some bad. But it's like a different person. That life is over, and the "side" of me doesn't come out as much as it does now.
Of course, right? It only makes sense to go back to your home habits.
The other day I ran across some of my school notebooks. Before I left I ripped out any "uninteresting" pages in hope to make them lighter in weight (let me remind everyone of my success story of 1 having an underweight suitcase and 2 not sending a box home.)
However, I kept all the stories I wrote down and journal notes I kept during class. Little things I wouldn't even remember by the time I got home.
I just find it all so funny. All of it. My exact words, thoughts, everything.
I changed a lot, but it makes me wonder if those changes will ever be brought back- unless I'm in the same situation, I feel as if thsoe changes were for the "other" life. I won't feel them until it "go back" to that lifestyle.
What still gets me is school. School is what makes me feel like last year never happened. How is it that I go from a school with nothing, to one that has multiple $200 beakers just laying around ONE of our many classrooms?
How is it that we complain about our paper towels? Or our sinks? And why on Earth do we need all the lights we have?
A few days ago I was studying in the high school library. I am a PSEO student (as explained before) and usually go there and study before going to my college class. While students in school can't bring their backpacks in, PSEO students can, because, well obviously they are studying and are coming/going and have their stuff with them.
So this day a non-PSEO student brings a backpack in. They tell him he can't bring it in the library. The librarians handle the situation.
A student aide (someone who helps the group of [noisy] students who have little motivation...not the handicap students) turns to me and rudely announces:
"You know you really shouldn't have your backpack here either."
I looked up in shock. This is the same assistant who makes friends with students wasting their time searching google pictures. Nonetheless she doesn't make her group of students do anything.
"But I'm PSEO" I replied. "We can have our backpacks in the library."
She turned away and almost yelled: "Well why can SHEE have her backpack in here while other kids can't? Shouldn't you take her backpack and keep it behind her desk like all the other ones?!"
...ok GENIUS, so if they take my backpack, how will I study? You want me to empty my books here and give them an empty bag? What is the point? Fool.
Now I didn't actually say that of course. I figured I wouldn't make too many friends that way. I simply told her the librarians FROM DAY ONE (I have been sitting in the same spot with my backpack almost everyday for an entire semester) told me I could have me backpack.
She started complaining like a child to the librarians. I went into shock. I could not believe what was happening. An immature adult trying to tell a librarian what their rule should be.
I stood up and said, "Ok, I'll just be on my way to the college library."
And walked out.
Upon entering the college library, there were metal detectors. I had been there before, I just never thought about them. It wasn't until I left that I realized that they were there for a reason. That there might, one day, actually be a problem. It never even crossed my mind that something bad might go wrong.
The library incident doesn't really mean much. The only thing I got from it was this:
Unreasonable-ness causes problems. Why do people act like they do?
What in the world went wrong with someone having an obsessive problem of me having a backpack in the library?! How do these messages get sent into one's head?
Just a matter of time ago I was sitting down in a library filled with other kids. Every single one of us had a backpack. No one cared. No one thought anything of it.
No one felt like they were in danger.
-mb
PS- Lockers were considered more dangerous than backpacks in my school. I was told they "wouldn't work" because of safety issues.
Ironic, eh?
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