It's late, and my bus for Madrid leaves in less than eight hours. But before then, I have a few things to wrap up before I head off to bed.
It really didn't hit me. I thought it would bit me earlier. I thought the last month I'd start to really feel the pressure, but no. It came about an hour ago or less, as I'm sitting here writing my host family a thank you note for everything they have done for me. For the family they have been, and everything they've shared.
You don't realize it until it's over. I don't know if it's a psycological thing, but you can't make the realization of everything coming to an end on your own. You can't realize how much time has past, until it's really over. You can't realize what you were living, until it's gone.
And with that, I'm not sure quite what to do. How do you write that thank you note? How can you just leave your room, looking over your shoulder and not know when you'll be back?
It's hard. This whole road has been hard.
Lately things have been quite crazy. Packing going home is much easier than coming over. You simply have your restrictions- two suitcases at 23kilos each, and have to fit your things into what you are allowed back. Everything else you just throw or send home in a box. I won't be sending a box home, and feel quite accomplished to be able to say that. I'll be taking two suitcases, a backpack, and camera bag home.
Never pack too fast though... I packed everything up pretty quick, and within all that packed my bus ticket to Madrid in with everything. Unpacking a suitcase later, it's found. I suppose I might need that...
The trip back to my old home Madrid will start in just a matter of hours. And then the reverse journey back.
The "current" exchange year will stop. But my blog won't. I'll be writing things that I've missed throughout the year, what's different when I go back, etc. There are quite a few stories that have yet to be shared. So please keep reading. I've kept a journal to write all these things down, so they're not lost. Writing is the best thing I've done. Because if you don't write, how else will you remember everything?
And the ultimate question. Are you ready to come home? Do you want to stay longer? My answer, is yes. I am ready to go home. Even though I'll miss things here, the day to return to my home has come. Things are thrown at us whether we like it or not. The difference is how we handle it. We are going home. It is going to happen. We can sit and complain all we want, but that won't change anything. It just makes it miserable for everyone else. So why take it in a bad way? There are plenty of good things upon our return.
We signed up for ten months, and not the rest of our lives. I am excited to see everyone again. When I left I knew that I would be coming back. And it's the same story here. I'll be back. It's just a matter of when. But for now, I have to go home. I'm ready to see what the next adventure brings.
A shout out to all the wonderful people who have helped me along the way. My family, friends, AFS volunteers, blog readers, those who have sent me emails, cards, etc. The support group has been incredible.
But as they say- the sooner we leave, the sooner we can come back.
Goodbyes are never fun. Never have been, never will be. And for this I don't say goodbye, because sometime along the way, there will be a hello... which eliminates the need for the ending of a goodbye.
Dear USA:
It's been awhile.
-mb
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